You exist without consciousness | What deep sleep reveals about the Absolute (guided contemplation)

What are you in the absence of experience?

This is the riddle of deep sleep, of coma, natural or induced, and death.

In the inner search, as you come to the realization of how fundamental consciousness is, how the entire world that you have perceived is in fact dependent on this consciousness, the question remains where consciousness comes from.

Because deep down you know that it comes and goes.

This state of experience is not constant. In contrast to conscious states there are also unconscious states.

And this can be approached with a bit of denial, that maybe there's still some experience there, maybe there's just no memory, but that all kind of breaks down when you consider death and what you were before you were born.

There is something deeper than memory and intellect telling you that experience is transient.

That if consciousness refers to this particular stream of experience, then it most definitely had a beginning and will have an end.

This question makes you feel transient as well, because you've not understood what underlies consciousness.

That is what has to be understood.

So, let's discuss three ways in which this understanding can come together.

Or rather the three ways in which I experienced it come together.

The first is the simplest, and what I would recommend, is to simply see that if you take away all the experience in this moment; if you stopped seeing, if you stopped hearing, and all the other sensing and feeling and thinking, what is left is you.

What is left is You.

To the mind what is left can be called nothing, but you are clearly not nothing.

If you see this deeply, the concept of nothing falls apart.

And then You are the Absolute.

The unchanging, timeless, unbound, unconditioned Reality.

This is not hard and does not take much time.

You just have to question what you are in the absence of experience. All based on your current knowledge and understanding. Based on what you hold to be true.

Because clearly you're not the seeing, you're not the hearing, you're not the feeling or the sensing or the thinking.

All those are additional. They come in the morning, they end at night.

You remain as you are.

Don't consider yourself from an imagined third person point of view; this is to be considered first hand.

If all experience dropped this instant, would you cease to exist?

If you say yes, and if experience returned, would it be someone else that experienced that emergence?

No!

It would still be You.

That is what is happening every night.

In the morning you don't feel reborn.

Even if you consider the experience of general anesthesia, where the continuity of time is broken, where you feel as if you skipped through time, it's still You that wakes up.

You don't wake up from that coma and say, I am born. That I ceased to exist and now this is someone else.

There's a continuity of Identity.

Because it is not based on the passing experiences.

And even if the experiences stop coming, when they return, again you know who you are.

So, simply by pondering this deeply you can come to know that your identity does not rely on memory or experience.

Your identity has its basis in the Absolute Reality.

And when you take your stand in the Absolute, then all dualities can be seen through.

Birth and death, existence and inexistence, consciousness and unconsciousness.

It's all quite clear what the underlying basis is, and what your relation to all of this is.

This is the path of inquiry. Self-inquiry.

But I mentioned three ways to deal with this question of what you are in the absence of experience. The other two aim to see this for yourself. So, you're not just trying to understand and accept, but you want some evidence.

This is a dangerous path as it can keep you spinning the wheels for years, and never really get to an answer. A conclusive answer.

Because how can we have evidence of what is already known and cannot be known in terms of experience or concepts?

You already know that you existed in deep sleep.

This is your current belief. You don't have to see your body lying there or ask someone to verify that you continue to exist.

You know it already.

How do you know it?

This is where the investigation can make things a bit clearer.

You have to bring the inquiry, you have to bring this question into your mind, keep it there as you go to sleep.

And if you are earnest enough; if you're obsessed with the question enough, and at the same time calm enough; relaxed enough, detached enough for the mind to be at peace, then you can catch the mind disappear into deep sleep, and you can catch its emergence.

It is the latter which I find the most illuminating.

Because in the moment the mind reappears, when experience arises, you can notice from what standpoint you are observing this very first experience.

That standpoint is timeless.

To the mind it is nothing, because there was no mind in it, but to You it is your Natural State.

The most peaceful state.

And not just your natural state; this is the Natural State of all there is.

The ground state of Reality.

Where not even a hint of duality exists.

Where the truth of Non-duality is very clear and obvious.

And as that first experience appears, and the subsequent ones, if your interest is not directed towards experience but towards yourself, towards this Original State, you will get to know it more in a way that your mind has a hint of what it is.

In a way that the bliss of sleep seeps into your waking hours.

And you know why the sages talk of Bliss and Ananda and Nirvana and so on. Of why the poets say Love pervades everything.

It's not just hyperbole.

This is the experience of that Original State when it seeps into your waking hours.

And so when what the mind considered nothing; as a void, as death, when that is seen to be Love and Bliss and Peace and the most Natural State, then it's a very beautiful way to live life.

You're not in a love-hate relationship with life anymore.

You neither want it that much, nor hate it.

You're at peace with it.

It's a passing experience of this one life.

And what is your true Home, your Natural State, remains.

Is indestructible.

Is where you reside even now, because you never left Home.

You're just watching this show.

And all the characters in it, you're experiencing them.

The very same You.

So you still love them, because they are You.

You still care for life because it too is an expression of Non-duality.

Without it there would be no knowledge of your own existence.

So, this too is Love.

It's a celebration of your love to be. Of your power to create.

Now I need to give a warning here, because when you try to look at this State which precedes the mind, you must never try to do it with the mind.

Because if you do, what you will see is truly terrifying.

It is the Void.

It is Death itself.

It is inexistence.

In my own experience, before I understood all this, but was obsessed with this question, and was bringing this inquiry to bed every night, there were two instances where I saw my mind dissipate.

And there was no memory of a body, of a personality, of who I was.

There was only the sense of existence.

Without having any form, in a vast infinite Void.

And there was this knowledge, that this existence was about to be extinguished.

It was truly one of the the most terrifying experience I've had in this life.

As I came out of it, I could feel my heart beating wildly. I was perspiring. There was intense fear. Paranoia.

So, this was wrong.

You should not try to use the mind to look at what precedes the mind, because the mind contains many concepts. Many beliefs; of death, of inexistence.

And the one thing the mind really doesn't want to let go of is life.

But to truly understand Non-duality, you have to overcome the duality of life and death.

So, the more gentle way to approach this, if you really want to, to see this for yourself, is to focus on the point where you emerge out of sleep.

Because at that point you are the Void observing the mind.

The Void does not fear the Void.

It's quite happy to be the Void!

Because it is not the Void.

It is You.

Reality.

Peace itself.

Only the false beliefs of the mind, that you are some small transient thing, existing for a while and soon to be consumed by the Void, is what makes this quite fearful.

Because the mind does not understand the true extent of the formless, true You.

All right, so the second way to approach this, as we have discussed, is to bring the inquiry of what you are, what's left of you in the absence of experience, to the point that you're returning from sleep.

So keep this inquiry in mind as you go to bed, make sure your mind is calm, don't try to catch it disappear because that can go quite wrong, but as you wake up, keep your interest turned inwards, away from experience and towards where You are.

Your state from which you're emerging. Seem to be emerging.

What is emerging is just experience.

Even the persona that you think is you in the day-to-day activities, it appears as part of that process.

The third and final way to approach this, is through meditation.

A meditation where you sit only with this question in mind.

The aim is to relax so much that you are oblivious of everything. So, you're entering a state much like sleep but in meditation.

What I find effective is to, to sit with the intention that you're not interested in any experience, no matter what comes up. You're not interested in your thoughts, in the sounds, even if they're annoying you're just not interested in the annoyance.

The disinterest will pull you back deeper and deeper into a State where you forget that you even exist.

And the first you will know of this is when experience reappears.

There will be a sudden realization: I am!

And whatever follows with it.

I'm using words here but the knowledge is very intuitive.

This is again very similar to catching the mind arise from sleep. In meditation it may be a bit easier because you went into there, that relaxed state, quite alert.

So, as you catch that "I am" arise, look at what You are as you observe these experiences appear.

There will be a sense of time being lost. You do not know how long you were in that State, you even forgot the knowledge of your own existence.

There was no time, no space, no experience, in the absence of everything; every category the mind can think of, You continued to exist.

But not exist in the, in the sense of having some form or shape, or some personality or memory and so on, or any observable attributes or qualities.

You existed purely as...

As what is aware.

As what is real.

You existed as pure Aware-ness, empty of all content.

What precedes even the state of consciousness.

Your original face before you were born.

This is a crucial point.

In a State that there is no mind, there's no world, and no experience at all, even the knowledge that I am; the I sense, is absent.

This is Nirguna, Parabrahman, Sunyata, the Godhead.

No one can claim this State as their own personal, individual, state.

This is the Natural State; the Ground State of Reality.

It is in this State that the knowledge "I am", that the sense of I arises, and with it a mind, or a world, can take shape.

So, what is it that is waking up?

What is it that is dreaming?

That is not nothing; it is the basis of everything.

It is not emptiness; it is a Wholeness.

It is not devoid of emotion; it is Peace.

Everything becomes clear at this point.

It is seen that anything that arises in this Primordial State is subjective and time bound; it is secondary to Reality but contained within It, and an expression of It; of I.

To say "It" is wrong.

This human "I" is transient and phenomenal and part of what is subjective.

And the I that knows this is Real; is the Noumenon.

This realization is freedom. Liberation.

Is the end of the sense of separation from Reality.

Don't mistake Non-duality for nihilism, or solipsism, or atheism, or all the 'isms.

This is realization of Truth.

What You truly are.

What I truly means, in the absence of experience, or in the presence of it.

It is the same I.

So, this went a bit longer than I thought it would. Maybe a summary might help.

We looked at the question, "What are you in the absence of experience?" And we discussed three ways to get to an answer.

The first and recommended one is to simply inquire what you are in the absence of experience based on your current knowledge. The facts which are most true. The fact I am and that I am not this experience.

This will get you to the Truth quite quickly, quite clearly.

The second and third methods are to bring this inquiry to the point where the mind has dissipated, like in sleep or in deep meditation, and to catch it arise.

And as it arises, notice from which Standpoint you perceive the mind.

Then it will be quite clear what your Original and Natural State is, and what You truly are.