From the ego to the Self

These days when someone gets into meditation, they're very quickly handed the punch line, the spiritual punchline, that there is no self. And then they're told that if they realize this, they will enjoy some beautiful "non-dual awareness". A different state of mind.

But this is not how it really works.

You often find after months or years of tussling with this this idea, meditators or spiritual seekers ask, "I do understand that there is no self, but why has nothing changed?" Or, "I know that there is no self." Or, "There is no one here."

Sometimes the "I" is taken out of the sentence, but it's still there.

It's still felt. Felt as the sense of being something small in a much wider context.

So, to break through this, one of the most important things is to understand what the self or ego refers to.

What is it really?

Don't be afraid to look at it in the face, because it is not You.

When it is found that there is no self, you find your true Self.

Or, even if you don't want to put it that way, you find Reality where it doesn't matter whether you exist or not.

So, the task here is not to deny the existence of this vague concept of self, but to understand what the ego or self actually is, and clear the path to be free of it.

Some teachings make it sound like you need to perform an exorcism on yourself. Don't take that attitude. It just creates more drama.

Approach it simply, straightforwardly.

The ego or self is the feeling that you're something specific to this life; to this stream of experience.

To cut through this feeling you have to understand what it is based on and whether it is true.

When you look at experience, you see it flying past, changing moment to moment. and there's a clear sense that there's you which is not changing moment to moment.

This is true.

You are not changing.

This is the sense "I am".

But overlaid on this fact is something that does change but on a slower time scale. It gives the illusion of stability.

And that becomes this sense of "me"; the ego, the self, the false identity.

This is the persona based on memory, likes and dislikes, passions and obsessions. This is a part of the mind that has slowly taken shape over time.

What you would call "me" right now is not the same "me" from 10 years ago.

Many things have changed. But because this persona is changing so slowly over time, it can get by unnoticed.

Unnoticed that it is not You.

That it is something additional. A part of the mind.

It is much like how the body grows taller and taller, and you never realize it because it's happening slowly, gradually. And then someone says you've grown taller, and you take that and accept that as part of your identity.

But You haven't grown taller.

You are still the same.

What is not you changes.

Height is a dimension of the body. Likes and dislikes are dimensions of the mind. Shifting changing dimensions.

At the level that you notice this "me" persona; the self, the ego, it is a bundle of thoughts. Underlying those recurring thought patterns, there is just chemical activity. And underlying that activity, there is just meat.

There's no basis for this persona to be called I.

No basis for the idea that this persona constitutes a sentient entity. The thing that is conscious.

It is part of what is being known; part of what is being experienced.

There is a passing stream of experiences, changing at a moment-to-moment basis, and then there is a higher level thought process assessing, evaluating, reacting, to those experiences.

It's a function of the brain activity. When all the sensory information is stitched together, there's another layer of processing on top of it.

In a human mind this thought process seems to have taken a life of its own. There's an overreach. An assumption of more control than is available.

It is really just a feedback mechanism. Something that allows the brain to learn.

But, erroneously, this assumption is made that this process is what is sentient.

But to whom do these thoughts arise?

That is the true I.

Already standing apart from the ego, from this persona.

Sentience is not a thought process.

Thoughts and feelings and all the rest, it's noticed in Sentience.

What is sentient is noticing these thought processes and sensory information and feelings. It is a factor that stands apart.

And the thing that makes a claim to being You; to being I, is not I.

That is the ego.

Simply a thought process. The echo of a chemical reaction. It is the outcome of this body-mind's conditioning. The product of eons of evolution and the fight for survival.

It does serve its purpose, in learning, in planning and so on. So it is not to be hated or destroyed but simply seen for what it is.

Seen as a part of the mind.

Seen as not You.

As long as the thought process tussles with itself, it can produce a variety of voices and arguments that prevent clarity. "I know there is no self. Why has nothing changed?" and so on.

Because this ego is not a single thing, but the hydra of different chains of thinking, you can never get to the truth just by employing this thought process.

Understand the mechanism of this thought process.

See how it's run away and got a life of its own; how it is overreaching. What powers it.

If you look at the chains of thinking ruling your mind you'll see they always begin with a concept of "I".

What if that concept is cut through?

What will power all this thinking?

When the ego, this thought process or persona, admits that it too is a thought, just at a different scale of time, when it admits that it is not what is sentient, that is the surrender of the mind to the Heart.

The way to Reality and the peace of realization is opened up.

When it becomes clear that this ineffable Sentience is all that can be called I, clearly present, perceiving all this thinking and feeling and knowing, then that higher level thought process which had gained too much command starts to peter off.

The reactionary, judgmental, critical voices die down, and peace prevails.

This is why in those moments where you lost your sense of self, the raw experience and the sense objects suddenly seemed more profound. Even the thinking, that appears, takes on a revelatory quality.

Because the subject matter has changed; the standpoint from which these thoughts are coming has changed, and it's not the myopic view of the "me" persona.

The source of creativity and wisdom is unlocked.

Love and peace pour out unbidden and unasked for.

When the mind admits its own place in the grand scheme of things, when the ego and self bow down before Reality, that is the moment when Self-realization is at hand.