What is it that arises as I? | Guidance on Self-enquiry

Self-enquiry.

The first writings of Sri Ramana Maharshi. They appear as answers to questions asked by a disciple.

"Master, what is the means to gain the state of eternal bliss, ever devoid of misery?"

"Apart from the statement in the Vedas that wherever there is a body, there is misery, this is also the direct experience of all people.

Therefore, one should enquire into one's true nature, which is ever bodiless, and one should remain as such. This is the means to gaining that state."

"What is meant by saying that one should enquire into one's true nature and understand it?"

"Experiences such as 'I went; I came; I was; I did' come naturally to everyone. Does it not appear that the consciousness 'I' is the subject of those various acts?

Enquiry into the true nature of that consciousness and remaining as oneself is the way to understand, through enquiry, one's true nature."

"How is one to inquire 'Who am I?'"

"Actions such as going and coming belong only to the body. And so, when one says, 'I went, I came', it amounts to saying that the body is 'I'. But can the body be said to be the consciousness 'I', since the body was not before it was born, is made up of the five elements, is non-existent in the state of deep sleep, and becomes a corpse when dead?

Can this body, which is inert like a log of wood, be said to shine as 'I-I'? Therefore, the 'I-consciousness' which at first arises in respect of the body, is referred to variously as self-conceit, egoity, nescience, maya, impurity, and individual soul. Can we remain without enquiring into this? Is it not for our redemption through enquiry that all the scriptures declare that the destruction of 'self-conceit' is release (mukti)?

Therefore, making the corpse-body remain as a corpse, and not even uttering the word 'I', one should enquire keenly thus: 'Now, what is it that rises as I?' Now, what is it that rises as 'I'? Then, there would shine in the Heart a kind of wordless illumination of the form 'I-I'. That is, there would shine, of its own accord, the pure consciousness which is unlimited and one, the limited and the many thoughts having disappeared. If one remains quiescent without abandoning that, the egoity, the individual sense of the form 'I am the body' will be totally destroyed, and at the end, the final thought, viz., the 'I-form' also will be quenched like the fire that burns camphor.

The great sages and scriptures declare that this alone is release."

"When one inquires into the root of 'self-conceit' which is of the form 'I', all sorts of different thoughts without number seem to rise; and not any separate 'I' thought."

"Whether the nominative case, which is the first case, appears or not, the sentences in which the other cases appear have as their basis the first case. Similarly, all the thoughts that appear in the Heart have as their basis the egoity, which is the first mental mode 'I', the cognition of the form 'I am the body'; Thus, it is the rise of egoity that is the cause and source of the rise of all other thoughts. Therefore, if the self-conceit of the form of egoity, which is the root of the illusory tree of samsara is destroyed, all other thoughts will perish completely like an uprooted tree.

Whatever thoughts arise as obstacles to one's sadhana (spiritual discipline), the mind should not be allowed to go in their direction but should be made to rest in one's Self, which is the Atman. One should remain as a witness to whatever happens, adopting the attitude, 'Let whatever strange things happen, happen; let us see.' This should be one's practice. In other words, one should not identify oneself with appearances; one should never relinquish one's Self. This is the proper means for destruction of the mind, which is of the nature of seeing the body as Self, and which is the cause of all the aforesaid obstacles.

This method, which easily destroys egoity deserves to be called devotion (bhakti), meditation (dhyana), concentration (yoga), and knowledge (jnana). Because God remains of the nature of Self, shining as 'I' in the Heart, because the scriptures declare that thought itself is bondage, the best discipline is to stay quiescent without ever forgetting Him, after resolving in Him the mind which is of the form of the 'I-thought', no matter by what means. This is the conclusive teaching of the scriptures."

Now let us contemplate, and I will share what this enquiry has revealed to me.

"Apart from the statement in the Vedas that wherever there is a body, there is misery, this is also the direct experience of all people."

Listening to such wisdom, the mind is quick to admit that you are not the body. But to really, truly know this, to witness experience while aware of this fact, is to be at peace; happy, and free of misery. This freedom is what the disciple sees in the master and seeks for themselves. So, whenever there's any mental turmoil, this simple fact is again being missed.

To know that you are not the body is to know yourself as just this awareness, as pure consciousness.

"Therefore, one should enquire into one's true nature, which is ever bodiless, and one should remain as such."

Pure consciousness does not have a form.

You are formless.

Remain firm without regressing into the thought, 'I am this body.' Whatever way you look at it, this body is made up of many little parts, and none of those parts are conscious.

You are only aware of the body because some of its activity arises as experience. But neither the activity nor the experience are conscious. The body's activity is what is being known in consciousness as these passing experiences.

As soon as you are convinced that you are not this body, the enquiry turns towards the true Self.

To whom are all these experiences appearing?

That is I.

At first, this answer seems to suggest that you are a conscious subject, one among many. But that is wrong.

The enquiry must proceed further into the nature of this conscious subject, which the mind accepts firmly as 'I'. What is this 'I'? What is your true nature?

You are not a physical object. Having concluded that 'I' does not refer to the body, you must be firm on that.

Nor can anything that you are conscious of, which is simply the experience being perceived, be pointed out as the subject that perceives. Therefore, there is nothing physical or experiential that can ever be called a 'subject'.

You're not merely a conscious subject but this conscious-ness itself.

That which is conscious — Conscious-ness.

Knowing yourself as consciousness alone, remaining as oneself, you must enquire into your own true nature.

This body was just insentient matter a few years ago. You only came to know of it when it started producing sensations, feelings, thoughts. It was nonexistent; is nonexistent to you every night in deep sleep and dreams.

As far as you are concerned, the body is only known through the experiences it produces. You know it, but since it is what is being known, it is not 'I'. Upon death, this same body will stop producing experiences. Can it be this consciousness that is 'I'?

Believing this body to be 'I' takes what is inherently free and limitless and imposes on that the idea of being an individual and limited self. Upon the foundation of this consciousness, which is truly I, is built a persona — an illusory self — which is based entirely on thought. But since the foundation is real and most definitely 'I', and the mistaken belief is conditioned into this body, has been solidifying since childhood, it is not easy to discern the true from the false.

"Therefore, making the corpse-body remain as a corpse, and not even uttering the word 'I', one should inquire keenly thus: Now what is it that rises as 'I'?"

This is where the enquiry has to proceed past the intellect, past all thinking, past the mind to this wordless realization.

In fact, whatever rises cannot truly be I. It can only be a passing form.

But where do these forms arise?

Right here.

To whom do they arise?

To I.

Who am I?

In that wordless pause is the answer.

You are this aware-ness, this conscious-ness.

The quality of being conscious, aware, is truly yours and yours alone. This quality is not granted to you by the body or its activity, or some circumstances, or even by some God.

To be conscious is the nature of Self. But the Self is not just 'me' or 'I' - what was previously thought of as 'I'. The I-thought itself is a step away from the truth.

The truth is that there are no separate selves, no jivas, no jnanis.

There is only Jnana — pure knowledge, pure consciousness.

Knowing this truth, there shines in the Heart a love, in the mind a clarity, an irreversible conviction. This pure consciousness is self-luminous, unlimited, indivisibly one, and this is most certainly what has always truly been I.

I-I — The Self.

So, it is just the belief, 'I am the body' which must be seen through deeply and thoroughly. If the same old thinking takes hold again, if life is filled with misery, the simple and direct remedy is Self-enquiry.

Rest in the undeniable fact of being conscious.

Know that your presence here is only as the witness of all that is happening.

That all that is happening is in the realm of appearances, and that these appearances themselves borrow their existence from the fact of your conscious presence.

"One should not identify oneself with appearances. One should never relinquish one's Self."

So, enquire keenly thus: What is it that rises as I?

There will start to:

"Shine in the Heart a kind of wordless illumination of the form 'I-I'. That is there would shine of its own accord the pure consciousness which is unlimited and one, the limited and the many thoughts having disappeared.

If one remains quiescent without abandoning that, the egoity, the individual sense of the form 'I am the body' will be totally destroyed, and at the end, the final thought, the 'I-form' will also be quenched like the fire that burns camphor.

The great sages and scriptures declare that this alone is release."