Nisargadatta — The Suffering of Experience

"One morning we could see that Maharaj was physically quite uneasy, obviously due to the pain from the cancerous condition in his throat. During the last few months his suffering had become acute, though he never complained about it. Even in this condition he was not bed-ridden and was found at his seat unfailingly every morning and evening. And he did talk too, though rather briefly and in a low voice.

Visitors would have to listen to him very intently, and with that special receptivity which would enable them to grasp the true meaning of what he had to convey. In fact, Maharaj felt that speaking less in a few chosen words, as he now did, was better than long expositions. Those who were true seekers would understand him even if he spoke less, for they had the right receptivity and intelligence. So it is perhaps just as well that I am not able to speak at length, Maharaj would say.

One of the visitors that morning, a lady, was very much moved by Maharaj's condition and the way he was bearing his pain stoically. She thought that physical pain could be even worse than death. She could not help telling Maharaj: Sir, I am not afraid of death, but I have a dreadful fear of physical pain. Please tell me how I could get rid of this fear?

Maharaj laughed and said: I am afraid I cannot help you there, but I am sure there are many others who know the methods of avoiding or lessening physical pain. All I can do is to explain to you what suffering itself is and who suffers. You must always go to the root of the problem. When did the experience of suffering first start?

Do you have any memory of any suffering, say, a hundred years ago? When did the experience start? Think about it deeply so that the answers to these questions would arise within yourself without any words. Is life - living itself - other than experiencing; experiencing in duration, moment to moment, stretched horizontally?

And what is experiencing? Is it not reacting to an outside stimulus which is interpreted through the senses as an experience - pleasant and acceptable, or, unpleasant and not acceptable. One does not experience suffering - one suffers an experience, pleasant or unpleasant. Now, the basic question you should be concerned with is: Who (or, more appropriately, what) is it that suffers an experience?

Let me tell you straight away: I do not (cannot) suffer any experience, pleasant or unpleasant. It is only a 'you' or a 'me' who suffers an experience. This is a very important pronouncement and you should ponder over it deeply. I should really let you solve this problem for yourself, or rather, let the problem work itself out!

But let us proceed. I cannot suffer any experience, because I am pure subjectivity without the slightest trace of objectivity, and only an object can suffer. A 'me' or a 'you' is an object and, therefore, suffers experience. Also, like any other object, a 'me' or a 'you' can have no substance and, therefore, can exist only as a concept in consciousness.

Further, never forget that it is only consciousness which can suffer because any reaction to a stimulus, which is what experiencing is, can only take play through consciousness. Indeed, therefore, consciousness and suffering are identical, and not in any way different. Ponder over this very significant point. What I say you will find rather difficult to grasp because you have identified yourself with the body, the psychosomatic apparatus through which an experience is suffered, the instrument in which the suffered experience is registered.

You have lost your identity with pure subjectivity, the Absolute that you truly are, and have mistakenly identified yourself with the objective 'me'. Therefore, you say 'I' suffer, and therefore you are 'bound'. Do you understand what I have been saying? I am aware of my true identity as intemporality, infinity, subjectivity - therefore, I do not and can not suffer.

I am aware that it is consciousness that apparently suffers an experience through the sensorial apparatus. You, on the other hand, believe that you are the sensorial apparatus, and it is this mistaken identity of yours that is the cause of your suffering and your bondage. So long as there is consciousness functioning, keeping the sensorial apparatus working, there will also be living, experiencing, suffering - positive or negative. But you, as 'I', are only the witnessing of it all.

All functioning is the objective expression of what-I-am subjectively, and every sentient being can say this: What-I-am cannot suffer any experience, only an objective 'you' or 'me' can suffer an experience."

Now I will revisit some of the key pointers in this dialogue, this time with some clarifications. Much of what is being expressed here should sound familiar, but some of it is just mind boggling. Because this is how suffering is viewed without the usual sense of self; wthout the sense of being a person or a thing that is suffering.

You can see things this way too. Just start by looking at your own life. Hasn't it been heaven and hell packaged into one? It's just not possible to have one without the other.

To experience is to suffer.

No one is born laughing. Birth is traumatic. Both for the mother and the child. Life begins with suffering.

Suffering does not just mean pain; experience itself is suffering. The difference is only in the degree.

One does not experience suffering. One suffers an experience - pleasant or unpleasant.

Do you have any memory of suffering, say, a 100 years ago? When did the experience start?

It began with life; with consciousness. But you cannot hate consciousness itself. You can only hate the pain and anguish, or your own self-image, but you can't hate consciousness itself.

Because consciousness in itself is most dear to you. Even a parent that has lost their child, if you ask them if they would rather never have had their child, they would say that they would do it all over again. Why? For love.

Just to have met you. To be with you. To have known you.

Suffering is the price of love, and so we bear it.

But who bears it? What is it that suffers an experience?

Once you know what suffering is and what it is that suffers, you will find the strength to bear anything. An experience is always suffered as a subject.

But that subject too is an object in consciousness. Just as the dream character is part of the dream, the subject too is only an object in consciousness.

That is what Nisargadatta means here that only an object can suffer. The subject - the dream character - can suffer. But that subject too is just an object in the dream.

That is not truly I. That is not what the Sages consider 'I'. That is not what you are in Reality.

The actual I; the Absolute, the true Self, is Pure Subjectivity. The Supreme Reality. What is present prior to experience, and allows for experience to arise. Pure Subjectivity without the slightest trace of any phenomena; any subjects or objects.

If you look carefully, that is what you are when experience appears.

That is Bliss. The nature of Self is Bliss.

Only with the arrival of consciousness there comes the knowledge 'I am', and only then there is experience and suffering. The two are co-termed. They are identical. And with that the idea of a 'me' or 'you'; the object that suffers.

But since all objects arise in consciousness and are in fact subjective phenomena, they have no substance; no independent existence. This 'me' or 'you' is entirely imaginary and conceptual.

So, while there is no cure for physical pain, there is a piece to be had. An unbinding of your identity with the transient and the imaginary.

So listen to this again:

"What I say you will find rather difficult to grasp because you have identified yourself with the body, the psychosomatic apparatus through which an experience is suffered, the instrument in which the suffered experience is registered.

You have lost your identity with Pure Subjectivity, the Absolute that You truly are, and have mistakenly identified yourself with the objective 'me'.

Therefore, you say 'I' suffer, and therefore you are 'bound'. Do you understand what I have been saying?

I am aware of my true identity as intemporality, infinity, subjectivity - therefore, I do not and can not suffer.

I am aware that it is consciousness that apparently suffers an experience through the sensorial apparatus.

You, on the other hand, believe that you are the sensorial apparatus, and it is this mistaken identity of yours that is the cause of your suffering and your bondage.

So long as there is consciousness functioning, keeping the sensorial apparatus working, there will also be living, experiencing, suffering - positive or negative.

But you, as 'I', are only the witnessing of it all.

All functioning is the objective expression of what-I-am subjectively, and every sentient being can say this: What-I-am cannot suffer any experience, only an objective 'you' or 'me' can suffer an experience."