A pointer to discern the ego from the Self | Shift from resistance to surrender

When you're struggling with life, what you are resisting, what you're rejecting, is consciousness. But what you truly love is also consciousness.

This is your most precious and only true capital in life. Without this, what else is there?

So, there's this mental turmoil here between resistance and surrender. In the moments of surrender you are at peace. But who is to surrender? And how is it done?

While I was still seeking, trying to figure out this Enlightenment and Nonduality and so on, a question formulated in my mind. It was an odd kind of self inquiry, you've probably never done it this way before. And it's somewhat brutal. It's not for the fainthearted.

So, you've been warned. We're going to set up this scenario, and at a certain point in the scenario we will reach a question. That is the point of self inquiry. You'll be presented with a dilemma where the ego, or the small self, is exposed, and the mind has to reconsider what it means by "I".

So, let's begin. The scenario is this: You have been declared a witch and are to be burned at the stake. You're already tied to the stake and the flames have been lit. You are panicking.

You can hear the crowd jeering and shouting. No one will be coming to save you. All the the regrets, all the sorrow and grief of the ones being left behind, all of it is flashing through the mind. And now the flames start to lick your feet and the mind is going mad in terror and fear.

And as this is going on, part of you notices that the sky is still blue.

Even as this body is falling apart, this mind is going mad, why is the sky this clear vivid blue? How can it be? If consciousness is sustained by this body and is dying, if every aspect of this mind is falling apart, why is the sky still blue?

Because most definitely, the sky does not exist apart from this seeing. The sky does not exists as something apart from consciousness. So, there is some part of this mind that is continuing to function unaffected. It's just rendering this experience without fail.

True to what is going on. And it is not just a small part of the mind that is still stable. It seems to be that all of it is working as designed. There's still the hearing of the jeers from the crowd.

There's this unbearable sensation of heat, the pain. The sound of the flames and the wind. That blue sky! This thinking!

Even though there's another part that is crying. In fear of dying. It is the thing that is writing in pain and fear and panicking, that is the small part. It is not the entire mind.

What is that?

Whatever appears in consciousness cannot possibly be the thing that is conscious. It can only be an appearance. A part of the experience.

This me that is crying and moaning, is only a fever dream. A figment of imagination. It is part and parcel of the experience in this moment.

And what is truly conscious is serene. Rendering the whole of this experience and witnessing it.

So, this is the point where we reach our self inquiry.

What am I?

There is a part of this that feels like it is me, the small thing in pain and dying. But that is is not the thing that is conscious.

And on the other side is consciousness itself, which does not feel like me. But can you deny that you are what is conscious in this moment?

This is the dilemma the mind has to resolve. When it says "I" does it refer to this small self, which is just a part of the experience and not what is conscious?

Or when it says "I" what it truly refers to is the Consciousness.

Well, here's the spoiler. This small self only feels like me as long as the mind renders it so. As long as there is the belief that this is what I am.

And by bringing clarity to the mind on what "I" truly refers to, that me no longer feels like me. It's just a part of the experience. Of course, experiences can be pleasant and unpleasant. But You, as Consciousness, remain completely unaffected.

What is You in all this remains perfect and serene.

There's this idea in meditation circles of becoming the witness, the "witness consciousness." Or becoming this "open awareness." But it is not like that.

Consciousness, or Awareness, is already the witness.

Surrender this tortured self to this serene and perfect Self. The Self, the true Self, is this Consciousness. And as you learn this, you will see that this Consciousness itself is Love.

The love to be. The love of existence. This body itself is a labor of this Love. 14 billion years in the making.

This is the outcome of the love-to-be. At each step of this universe taking shape, at each step of evolution, it is this love of existence that fuels the fight for survival. Struggling, striving, dying. Experiencing every moment of it.

This love-to-be remains undiminished because it is blind. And in its blindness it has created this flawed paradise. But Love is blameless.

Don't turn away from it.

Don't resist your own True Nature.

Love does not reside in the hearts of men and women. Their hearts are made of matter. Flesh and blood cannot contain love.

This Consciousness itself is Love. The love to be. It is unconditional. All pain, all suffering, are accepted.

No experience is rejected.

Acceptance is completely misunderstood by all spiritual seekers. Acceptance is not something you have to do as a person. That would be that small self, which is just a part of the experience and has no power.

Acceptance is a description of how Consciousness already is. How everything is allowed for. How every experience, no matter how terrible or beautiful, is rendered with the same Love. Exquisitely, without complaint.

Being burnt at the stake, crucified, broken at the wheel. Consciousness does not say no. Something that has appeared later in Consciousness says that, "No!"

So, who stands in opposition to this Love? Who is resisting?

Whomsoever it is, if it could only see this Force arrayed before it, it would drop to its knees in surrender! In complete submission.

So, if you feel like you are this small self, just "me", surrender!

Surrender to this Love and be absorbed in it. Into the True Heart.

Let the mind be clear on what "I" truly means, and do not let it shift from that Truth.

This is the mystic's death before death. The passing away. Fanaa! The annihilation of the self within the Self.