Waking up, ego vs the sense of being, death and grief, abiding in ease, and other questions

The last Q&A video was well received, so here's another one. In this one, we'll be addressing questions on the transition from dreams to waking up, Whether there's anything of substance that can be called 'the ego', What the sense of self points to, How the state of ease can be sustained, We'll go over a clarification on what is relatively real versus what is absolutely real, And address the hard question of facing and living with the grief of losing a loved one. There's a few more questions we touch on as well, and then we'll end with a kind of barometer; a way to know for yourself that this understanding is sinking in and changing how this mind works. So, let's get on with it.

So, this first question is from LetLifeFlow and, I'm going to paraphrase it a bit, it goes, "I just had a dream and I woke up from it once I went into ego." The question goes on to say, "I often wake up from dreams in this way." So, the question is about whether the ego or person that you're familiar with is your identity in this life. I will take 'went into ego' to mean the transition from feeling that you are the dream character, to feeling you are this person you seem to be during the day.

The name, memory, personality traits, they all come rushing back. There's a familiarity to it all. And so, taking this to be true, that this person is what you are; your identity, the transition is completed. You went from feeling like you're that dream character to feeling like you're this person.

Okay, now slow down the whole process and consider what just happened. In a dream you realized that you are not this dream character. That is the first catalyst. How exactly that happens can vary.

There may have been something ludicrous about the dream, or some rational part of the brain came back online. Whatever. So, you realize you're not this character. As soon as you realize that, you know that the world around you too is a dream. Doesn't matter how real it seemed a moment ago, as soon as you don't take the character in the dream to be yourself the world too is rendered just as illusory as the character.

This is important. The reality of the character and the world are always intertwined. So, if you take the reality of the world to prove the character, or take the reality of the character to prove the world is real, you're just using the illusion to prove that the illusion is real. Now, if you go through this transition from dream to waking, and only see the illusory nature of the dream but accept whatever appears next as real, that's just exchanging one illusion for another one.

Instead, the inquiry should look at what you were during the transition itself. In the moment that you realize that I'm not this character, that this world is not real, and before the next thought arose; that instead of this person X, I am person Y, just before that, what are you at that point? Only that is your true identity. And only that is the basis for both the dream world and whatever world appears next.

That is real in and of itself. It doesn't need the world or any character to be present. I have explored this transition often and it reveals a lot about how a stream of consciousness appears and then operates. This is the borderline. And it's very fertile ground for Self inquiry.

In that transition, if you look towards what you are, it demonstrates beyond words: You are prior to everything else appearing. In that moment between adopting a character, putting on a mask, between the two worlds, there is just pure Awareness. What you actually are. So, to answer the original question: No, ego is not your identity in any way.

Which brings us to the next question, which is from Birgit. "Is there an ego at all?" It's followed by related question, so we'll cover that together. "What about the sense of self? By what is it sustained? Thoughts, or by something else?"

So, when you see the world, the first appearance of the ego is as the I-thought, or the "me" concept. When you see yourself as a thing in the world, that is the ego. And it may seem more humble that you've now gone into believing yourself some little thing in the world, but there's a hubris to it. This I-thought, this concept of me, is claiming to possess Consciousness or Sentience.

Which is the very power that allows for this thought and this concept to appear in the first place. And the entire world! This is the hubris. In thinking that Consciousness or Sentience or Awareness, they can be possessed by some thing in the world. But it's just a belief.

The ego is a belief in being an individual sentient entity. Something that possesses Consciousness or Awareness. This is the core misunderstanding, and drives all the clinging and craving, all the mental suffering. Because now you're this one thing in the world as opposed to all the other things.

So, there's this belief in "me", which is the ego, and then there's the sense of Self. They are not the same. The sense of Self is the knowledge that I am; the sense of being. We use words to describe it by saying, "I am," but the knowledge itself is wordless.

It's very intuitive and intrinsic to Consciousness. This need not and cannot be negated because it is the basis of experience itself. Only the persona built on top of it, on top of the sense of being, needs to be seen for what it is. That it is not your true identity.

So, on to the next two questions. Now, in in most of my videos I point back to a kind of peace that is intrinsic to the Self; the Absolute Self. And so these next two questions are about, the first one being from Birgit, "Is it possible to stay 'here' always?" That was in reference to a video on a poem by Rumi, which is also about that transition point between sleep and and waking up.

The other question, which is somewhat related is from Henriette. It's related to another video, but along similar lines on discovering the peace within. "This is kind of what I mean every time I write that I feel like I understand, "or it makes so much sense, but I don't have the felt experience of it. "Except maybe occasionally for brief moments.

"I don't have this feeling of purity. I don't abide in ease." Right. So... Couple of points to keep in mind here. One is that the aim is not some state.

Because the perpetual state is perpetual. It's present even now. If there is a state which is not present right now but can be attained at some further point in the future, well it's not perpetual. So, the question to ask is, what is this Perpetual State?

Because it's here right now. And as you discard all the mental states, what's left is just Awareness itself. Always present. In between dreams, in deep sleep, before birth.

Because how else can a first experience be noticed other than with Awareness? So, that is the Perpetual State. The Ground State of Reality, as I call it. So, if you want peace, the attention goes back to just this fact of being aware.

So, this puts a bit of distance between what grants peace and all the mental states. The Awareness of just Being is Bliss. And if you try to find that Bliss among all the mental states, try to find peace and happiness there, you may catch glimpses of it, but it all turns to dust. But those glimpses are important too.

You have to investigate what is different about those brief moments. It's the same you. It's the same kind of experiences going on. The world hasn't changed that much.

What is different? This is where you have to use the mindfulness and all that. If you examine the internal state of the mind in those brief moments of peace, compare it to the other moments, then the problem and the solution become very clear. You'll see that you do abide in ease because that is your natural state.

But when you imagine yourself as some individual; you take yourself to be a person, the experiences absorb the attention completely, and the inner peace is obscured in some way. The experiences are the gross phenomena, the more in your face kind of thing. And the peace is subtle. So, the main factor to feeling at ease is a turning away from the experiences and towards the awareness of just being aware.

So, as you investigate those brief moments you will see that peace is your natural state. It's not conditional in the way all the other experiences are. It just requires a bit of detachment from the experiences, and then you find the peace is already there. But the thing is, as long as there is life there will be ups and downs; all kinds of experiences.

And you shouldn't expect permanent peace all the time. So, instead of trying to be established permanently somewhere in some kind of state, what you should understand is where peace is to be found and how to get there. Which is just a bit of detachment from experiences, letting go of all the thinking. Even if it's there there's a distance from it. And that's when the peace that is intrinsic to the Self is felt very clearly.

So, I'll quote Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj here, from the book I am That, "The undisturbed state of being is bliss; the disturbed state is what appears as the world. "In non-duality, there is bliss; in duality -- experience. "What comes and goes is experience with its duality of pain and pleasure. "Bliss is not to be known. One is always bliss, but never blissful.

"Bliss is not an attribute." You are the Peace. The next question is from Suzanne Carter. Suzanne has been with the channel since almost the very beginning. The questions she raises always have a subtlety to them.

In this one she's talking about the latest video which was on taking your stand in the Absolute. I describe the imaginary, the relative, and the absolute level to the mind. So she asks, "I wish you could talk more about the relatively real to distinguish the levels clearly." See, if you ask someone on the street, "What is most real? " They will say, "This experience, this world, all of 'this'."

And you hear almost the same thing from spiritual seekers who think they're quite advanced. They say, "THIS is what is most real." Well the "this" refers to the experience, which is subjective. See, that's the human conditioning.

If you can see or touch something, that feels more solid and undeniable. But that is most definitely just relative. It's at a point in space and time. It is appearing through the instrument of this body and mind.

Subjective and relative. So, what is generally considered real is only relatively real. And if you accept this, if you can see this clearly, then you start to look to the absolutely real. Where do all these subjective phenomena, even space and time appear?

What are you in the absence of experience? What was your original face before you were born? So, there's a another video where I touch on the similar question. I'll put it in the description and some other related videos to these questions.

Next is a question by SpiritFilled, "I do so wish we had a way to know what if anything is experienced after death. "I came to this understanding when I lost my son two years ago. "I can't help but think he still exists. I don't think I will ever find rest or peace over this loss. "If you have any teachings that could help me cope with this I would be forever grateful."

Let me be honest with you. There's no experience after death. Just as surely as there's no experience before life, there's no experience after it. Life itself is the emergence of experience.

And deep sleep, some meditative states, coma, death; these are the absence of experience. But if you can face this stark fact, and then ask, "Who was my son really?" And get to a factual answer, then there is absolutely an overwhelming relief to be found. This event that is called birth, is the appearance of consciousness; a new stream of experience.

But to whom does that stream appear? That is what your son is in actual fact. And also what you are. The consciousness that appears is time bound because it depends on the instrument, which is this body.

Let's say that the body is the fuel to the fire of consciousness. But someone enjoys the fire! That is what the sense of being, the knowledge that I am, always refers to. That is your son. And also you.

That is what "I" always refers to, whether you know it or not. In fact, from this view nothing is really born and nothing truly dies. Because Sentience is not a property of any particular thing. What is truly sentient is already present whenever and wherever consciousness arises.

It makes it possible for consciousness to arise. That cannot be affected by one stream of consciousness coming to an end. Sentience or Awareness is not possessed by bodies, minds, or souls. There's no duality, no separation.

You are not apart from the One you love. Sentience is the base Reality itself. Absolute and eternal. If you want to be absolutely firm on this, don't treasure experience.

Look at it as something extra that has appeared. A stream of consciousness has appeared and will disappear. Keep this in your mind as you go to sleep. If you meditate, sit with the intention to turn away from consciousness.

Let it dissipate. And then watch it arise. See for yourself that you are there, present in the absence of experience, and aware to receive the very beginning of this stream of consciousness. All lives are being lived by You. But what each life is, is a stream of consciousness that is a world unto itself.

These worlds arise and subside. But you are unaffected. Your son is still with you as You. There's really no separation possible.

Sentience cannot be split up and assigned to imaginary entities. Of course, my views here are not standard, but this is the only balm I have. This next question is from DivineNonbinary, I like that name! And it's about the previous Q&A, where I said that love is the first step, rather than part of the Absolute.

And he says, "Now this confused me a little. Why would love need anything? Isn't the state of love when we don't need or desire? Because it's not a state of lack but of abundance and oneness." Now, going by the name, if we talk in terms of divinity, what we address here is not God, but the Godhead. Where God itself arises. Brahman, or God, is that I AM.

Consciousness. But consciousness itself appears and disappears. That's the whole question. Life and death, existence and inexistence, being and nonbeing.

The actual truth cuts through all all these opposites; these dualities. That is the Godhead. Para Brahman. Śūnyatā.

That is the absolute standpoint from where the guru of my heart Nisargadatta delivered his teachings. And at the Godhead, nothing exists. No experience. There is no love without experience; without consciousness.

The Godhead is Awareness without anything to be aware of. You come to see this as the perfect Peace. Because if you add anything, say you add the dimension of time, the peace gets ruined. After a million years of peace, peace wouldn't remain peace.

It would be torture. So, the absolute Peace is where there is no experience. Nothing to be aware of. You forget even yourself.

And so when a dream begins, or life begins, there's a fresh identity to take up, if you desire. And, if you do not desire it, you pull back and realize the true Self. This next one is from Elizabeth Gilbert and she asked, "Is there one mind? Is mind simply memory? "Is the gap, the pause, the the borderline? Would a realized one ask, what mind?"

And I responded to this in saying, Yes. What mind! Because when the mind seeks the mind, there's really nothing to find. In that gap there's only You. As the Aware-ness. As the Sentience.

So, what is the mind really? It's just a bundle of phenomena. The experiences, the thinking, the feelings, the beliefs. But can all these phenomena taken together create a new entity that we can call the mind?

They can't. Experience never creates anything anew. It is a play on what allows for experience. Which is the Awareness.

But I also like how Huang Po stated this. He used the term 'One Mind' (or whatever the actual word was, that's the translation). So, it doesn't matter what formulation works for you, as long as you see that it all points to the same. So, Hannah had a follow-up question where she said, "Are you saying that 'the concept of mind gets destroyed or its meaning expands to encompass all categories' are both saying the same thing?"

Yes, they both amount to exactly the same. You can say there's no mind, no self. Or you can say there is the Self, the Absolute Self, Or the One Mind that is like the boundless void which cannot be fathomed or measured. It's different ways of describing the same fact.

So, for those of you that meditate there was a practical question I wanted to bring in. This is from BuriedHistory, "A practical question I had from previous videos as well: how to deal with falling asleep during meditation?" Now this is something that is looked down upon in meditation, to doze off and things like that, but I think there is a misunderstanding here. When you are sitting and you actually dose off, your head will jerk, or your body will will do something to make you jerk awake.

But in meditation you can enter a state where there is no experience. And technically it's the same as falling asleep, but it's a kind of samadhi. This is a samadhi where you have the attentiveness to catch the consciousness arise. You can see the very first perception, feeling, thought, whatever, appear.

And it demonstrates very clearly what you are. So, if you're not really dozing off, which means you can maintain the meditative position like a half lotus, and neck upright, then you're entering that samadhi, and use it as an opportunity to continue your Self inquiry. Because, of course, the most significant point here is to know what you are in the absence of experience. Because that's what you are in the presence of it as well.

It resolves everything. So, I wanted to close off with two comments. One is from Birgit, one is from Henriette. So, Birgit says, "I just can't listen to videos about 'awakening' anymore.

"I have a strange feeling when I do that and think: 'What nonsense!' "What is the trigger? I used to like it. "It always seems to be just thoughts that tell a story." So, Birgit is referring to the kinds of content you'll find on YouTube, and you can go to some Nonduality teacher and they'll talk about Awakening.

Spiritual Awakening and so on. But it always gives the impression that at some point in the future you would realize something that you don't realize at the moment. That you don't know this at the moment. But as the Understanding sinks in, you move past that kind of framing of the inquiry.

Because you know that the knowledge is present. You know that you are aware. And it is this Awareness, which is You, which is being pointed out in all these teachings. So, there will be certain content which is just not useful for you anymore.

And you should trust yourself. When it feels nonsense it has become nonsense! Time to move on. But it shows how effortlessly this works. The seed is planted, and it takes root and it grows all on its own.

Now this other comment is from Henriette and she says, "Somehow these middle videos from the Heart Cave to round the Ocean in a Drop seem brand new... "Like I've not heard them before, even though I have, "But now they are so much clearer." I've had these comments from other viewers, my own wife for another one! And it is my own experience.

As I went through the dialogues of Nisrgadatta Maharaj, they became clearer and clearer. Even though I was still going through the ups and downs, the highs and lows, of feeling I had understood everything, or I understood nothing. The process is effortless. And the way you can see for yourself that it is working; the Self inquiry is bearing fruit, or the fruit is ripening, is just how clear everything sounds.

How you can tell the nonsense from the truth. How natural this Understanding sounds to you. And once it does sound natural, or you've stuck around with this video till the end, all that's left to do is to accept what You are. That all this is not pointing to some thing other, some reality beyond.

You have to see your identity is this Sentience. This Awareness is what YOU ARE. And one final thing. There was a question on Ajata; the Unborn, by L A Leighton and Sakina.

I haven't forgotten this. There's an upcoming video which will go into detail on this question. But for now, let's end here. Thanks for listening 🙏.